The content in this page ("Still Nothing to do with the Coup" by Harrison George) is not produced by Prachatai staff. Prachatai merely provides a platform, and the opinions stated here do not necessarily reflect those of Prachatai.

Still Nothing to do with the Coup

The media sensitivity training session was not going well.

BECAUSE I SAY SO!

Yes, well, perhaps we could frame that in a softer way, something a little less strident?  Or at least just not as loud.

What do you mean?

Well, this insistence on ‘I’ all the time.  Your people have already said that part of your PR problem is this appearance of being dictatorial, …

HOW DARE YOU …

… this totally erroneous and mistaken appearance of being dictatorial, but if you keep giving out the signal that everything is your idea, you can see where the misunderstanding might arise.

But that’s the way it is.  I’m the one who takes the decisions round here.

Of course you do and we are all agreed that there’s no better person to make decisions, but I’m only suggesting that there may be a better way of expressing it.

Such as?

Well, one simple way would be just to say ‘we’ instead of ‘I’.  It gives the idea that you have consulted knowledgeable people about this, even though they can’t be as knowledgeable as yourself, of course, and after much thought, you’ve come to the decision that this is the best solution available.  I mean, the Queen of England always says ‘we’.

The Queen?  Does she?

Oh yes.  It’s called the royal plural.  I think we might try a little of that.  Or better still, use passives.

It is not my policy to be passive in any way.  I will aggressively and forcefully …

‘Our policy’ and ‘we will’.  Don’t you see the difference these little things make?  And in any case I was talking about passive sentences. 

Passive sentences?  We don’t have them.  No more namby-pamby suspended jail terms, meaningless slap on the wrist …

No, no, in grammar.  So instead of saying ‘I have decided’ and sounding, quite mistakenly, like a dictator, you say ‘It has been decided.’  Means the same thing.  Just sounds a lot nicer.

Oh, I see.  But that might be difficult to think of when I’m in the middle of shouting at a journalist.

No, no, that’s not a good idea.  Listen, we have the best script-writers in the country.  You want to paint a verbal picture of everybody happy and smiling?  We can do it for you.  It works for everything – instant noodles and bank accounts and underarm whitening cream.  It’ll work for you just the same.  All you have to do is stay on script.  Now I’ve got a sample here we can try.

Oh, OK.  [Reading]  In the next, er, few weeks, we are, er, looking for, er, looking forward …

Woah, what’s the matter?  What’s with all the ums and ers?

Well I can’t really see the words very clearly without my glasses.

So why don’t you put them on?

Wear glasses?  In public?  But won’t people see this as a sign of weakness?  I mean, I have to project this image of strength and vigour. 

Oh for heaven’s sake, that’s not what people think.  Did you not see the Queen opening parliament in London?  She read her speech with her glasses on.

The Queen?  Did she?  Oh well, that’s alright then.  If the Queen does it, …

Well you shouldn’t copy everything she does.  She did come across as rather wooden.  Blah blah plastic bags blah blah fracking blah blah.  And just as she got to child abuse, that poor little pageboy keeled over from the sheer boredom of it all. 

Are you criticizing a member of …?

No, no, all I’m saying is that if you’re trying to get over the message that what you’re proposing will be lots of fun and everybody will be happy ever after, well, you can’t really do it if you’re sitting like a statue with a stony expression on your face.  Mixed messages, you see.

Well, what expression should I have?

Happy expression.  Smiling.  Joyous.  Bringing good news to the public.

Like this?

Hmmm.  Let’s work on the physical stuff later maybe. 

This seems like an awful lot of bother just for a speech or two. 

But you’re doing so well.  You mustn’t give up now.

I don’t know.  I was happy when I was shouting at everybody.

No, no, you’re doing terribly well.  In fact, you’re much better than most of the CEOs I have to work with.

Really?

Oh yes.  Most of them want to act as if they’re in charge of the army or something.

 


About author:  Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).

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