The captain of Thai industry was interested to see the results of Thailand’s education reform. Hearing that a fast-tracked ‘model student’ had applied for employment at his firm, he decided to conduct the interview himself.
Thai businesses have long complained that the products of the Thai education system are virtually unemployable, lacking the skills necessary for the modern economy. The CEO was eager to see the results of the NCPO-inspired reform of the schooling system in developing the kind of graduates that the corporate sector required.
So, Mr Prinya Rengduan, you appear to have raced through your university education. You are what, only 18 years old?
Yes, sir. And secondary school. Due to the excellent reforms of our dear leader, General Prayuth Chan-ocha, I was able to complete my studies is double-quick time.
Excellent. So what position are you applying for in our company?
Employee.
Yes. Perhaps you could explain what special qualifications you have.
I am an expert at the 12 Thai values that our dear leader General Prayuth introduced into the curriculum.
An expert at values?
Yes, sir. I got straight As on values all through secondary school and university, except for number 4. I kept getting B+.
Number 4?
Perseverance in studying.
So your perseverance is not as good as your other values?
No, I could never remember how to spell ‘perseverance’.
I see. Well, excellent as your command of General Prayuth’s values may be, we still need to know what you can contribute to our company. Did you study anything else in your classes?
Oh yes. I know the names of all the provinces of Thailand. General Prayuth said he was very disappointed that before the coup, students had not memorized these. And all the famous kings of Thailand and their glorious history. That was another thing he said we should learn.
Yes. But did you perhaps study, I don’t know, business management? Accounting? Marketing?
No, is that important?
Well we would like to know what employable skills you have. Do you know anything about finance? Manufacturing? Human resources? Logistics?
[The candidate shakes his head.]
Well do you have any skills in, say, languages?
Oh yes. I can speak Thai.
Right. But no foreign languages?
No, my major was Patriotism and in the Patriotism curriculum we don’t do foreign languages. Or foreign geography. Or foreign history. Or foreign anything, really.
So there would really be no opportunity in, say, our Kuala Lumpur branch.
Is that in Pattani Province? I learned about Pattani Province.
Well that’s something. And what did you learn?
The provincial town is Pattani.
Really?
Oh yes, I know the names of all the provincial towns of all the provinces.
Hmm. How about computers? Are you computer literate? Can you use the internet?
Oh yes, I’m quite fluent.
Ah, good. What programmes are you familiar with?
Well I normally use Mozarella Firefox and I am expert at FaceBook and Youtube. I have 237 likes on my Facebook page.
237?
Yes, for my pictures of cute little kittens.
So you keep pets?
No, I just post cute pictures I find on the internet.
I’m beginning to wonder just how you graduated so quickly from secondary school and university. It seems that your education was rather limited.
Oh I never really studied. Most subjects were too boring. Apart from History and Civic Duties. I got into university because of my passports.
Your passports? How many nationalities do you have?
No, no, my merit passports. My daily records of good deeds. I’ve brought them with me if you want to take a look.
Oh, thank you, yes, if I could just have a moment to look through … I’m sorry, there seems to be something wrong. Your list of good deeds for the second week is the same as your good deeds for the first week.
No, you see I did the same good deeds every week. At least that’s what I recorded. My uncle said it wasn’t that important to actually do anything, just record it.
And your uncle is …?
The director of my secondary school. That’s his signature on each page.
I see. Do you have passports for your university career?
Oh yes. Here they are, but they’re just the same as the Mattahyom ones.
So who signed off on these?
The Dean of the School of Patriotism. He’s a friend of my father. And a General. And a member of the National Reform Council. My father says it’s important to work with people you can trust.
Indeed it is. Well, Mr Prinya, I’m afraid we will not be able to offer you a position in our company.
But why?
Because we have just decided to close down our Thailand operations entirely and move to somewhere with a better education system where we can find qualified people. Lao, perhaps.
About author: Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).
