Khun Jod Lukplasaenmon.  You are an advisor to the Prime Minister.

Yes.  Yes, I am.

And so you give advice to the Prime Minister.

Well, we try.  There’s a team of us, you see.  But the PM is a very intelligent man, you know.

Is he?

Oh yes, a tremendous intellect.  So sometimes he doesn’t need our advice.  Most of the time, in fact.

I see.  So this campaign against corruption, was it something that you advised?  Or perhaps …

Oh well, I think that was a no-brainer really.  So the PM thought of that himself.  But he is terribly keen to eradicate corruption.  And I think our track record speaks for itself.

Yes, of course.  There was the overpriced lottery tickets, …

Yes, that was an early one.

… and the jet ski mafia on Phuket.

Yes, we cleaned all that up.

Yes.  Except that it seems that they are back.

Back?

The jet skis.  Well, they never really went away.  And the lottery tickets are now sold at the old prices. 

Ah, but the price did go down for a while.

So corruption was uprooted?

Yes, yes, of course.  For a limited period of time.  But you see corruption is a very complicated business and it has, unfortunately, er, ...

Re-rooted itself?

Exactly. 

Is this perhaps because the lottery ticket campaign failed to go after the 3 or 4 big wholesalers who still more or less monopolize sales? 

Well, it’s still early days.  You can’t expect corruption to disappear in just a few weeks.  And certainly we will take lessons from the lottery tickets case.

So you will be going after the big fish in the future?

Possibly.  Or perhaps pursue cases where there are no big fish in the first place.  It all depends, really.

Now of course, there has been a lot of criticism of the investigation into the deaths on Ko Tao.

The two British tourists.  Yes, very sad.

Yes and two Burmese migrant workers are currently charged with the murders.

Yes, the evidence is overwhelming.

Well, perhaps so, but why then is there so much criticism, both here and abroad, of the police performance? 

Well there shouldn’t be any criticism here.  That’s not our policy.

Oh?  So people in Thailand believe that the police have done a good job?

Who knows?  But whatever they think, there shouldn’t be any criticism.  It’s not allowed.

But you will admit that there’s criticism from abroad?  From the UK and Myanmar?

Well, you see, they’re far away.  And there’s a language problem.  They don’t understand the facts.  It’s a problem if you’re not Thai.

So you would say the police investigation has been …

Perfectly adequate.  Well, as the PM said, according to the UK police, everything had been done just as in the UK.

Yes, the PM did say that.  So in the UK the police conduct re-enactments?  In front of the media?  And release personal details about the victims?  And let everyone walk all over the crime scene?

Well, the PM said they studied from the same textbooks.  But perhaps there are different interpretations.

But the PM has himself made comments about the case that have been, well, unhelpful.

You mean the bikini comment?

Well, …

You must understand, this case is terribly serious and people were getting very tense about it and the PM sensed this, you see, he’s awfully good at sensing these things.  And he thought he could perhaps he could lighten the atmosphere a little.

With a remark that most people found offensive and for which he apologized.  But no, I was thinking more about the Prime Minister’s comments about the UK government’s concerns.

Concerns?

Yes, the UK government issued a statement on its website, and I quote, ‘The Minister for the Far East and South East Asia Hugo Swire summoned the Thai Chargé d’Affaires.’  But Gen Prayut denied that the Chargé had been summoned and said that the Thai side had offered to explain the situation.

Well, we did offer an explanation and it was accepted.

Yes, that’s what the PM said.  But the UK government also said, and again I quote, ‘there was a real concern in the UK about how the investigation has been handled by the Thai authorities.’

Er, yes, there was concern.  There was concern that the Thai police had managed such an excellent investigation and apprehended the culprits so quickly.

I see.  But if, just for the purposes of argument, you understand, if we look at this from a different perspective, you could say that the police have made a complete pig’s breakfast of it and the PM is making a terrible mistake in standing by them.

Well, that’s not our perspective.

No, I understand that.  But most people will say that if you’re really going to get rid of corruption in government then the police would be high on your list.  And the Ko Tao case, at least from one viewpoint, would have been the perfect place to start.  But the opportunity seems to have been passed up.

Well, reform of the police, dear me, it’s a big job, you know.

Too big for this government?

Oh no.  Certainly not.  But you must realize, the police may have a lot of information about everyone, you and me, even members of the government and the NLA and so on, …

Which you want them to keep secret?

No, not as such.  But just think about it.  If somehow the Thai police were not corrupt and became efficient and solved crimes and stopped torturing detainees and got the traffic moving and all that sort of thing, well, how do you think that would make the military look?

Khun Jod Lukplasaenmon, thank you very much.

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About author:  Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).