Many years ago, the BBC invented, for the benefit of their radio news readers, a thing called a ‘cough button’.  Pressing on this button would temporarily disconnect the microphone, freeing them to make coughs, sneezes and assorted guttural hacking noises, without destroying the myth that BBC staff not only had mellifluous tones and impeccable accents, but also perfectly functioning vocal tracts.

Alas, all beneficial inventions are open to abuse.  It wasn’t long before news readers began to use the cough button to make surreptitious sarcastic comments for the benefit of the studio crew.

This became common knowledge when one day, the cough button failed to function.  A news item concerned a professional robbery and ended with the sentence: ‘The thieves made their getaway in a fast car.’

The news reader unwittingly pressed the non-functioning button and the nation was delighted to hear him add ‘Well it would hardly be a slow one, would it?’

Television news presenters do not have this luxury.  But they must have the same urge to sneak in the sly witticism, something to puncture the inflated hyperbole that they are all too often expected to deliver. 

So where their colleagues on radio can actually say it, they can only think it.

And think it they do.

Amazing new technology makes it possible to analyze the minute but detectable muscular contractions of the chest, throat and face that are associated with so-called ‘sub-linguistic speech’ (the things you feel like saying but daren’t), and, even more astoundingly, the modulations in the upper acoustic formants of actual speech that reveal what is being said ‘under one’s breath’.

Prachatai has been able to apply this analysis to recent live TV coverage of the Obama inauguration, which pre-empted news of Israeli war crime allegations, further deterioration of global capitalism, the growing cholera epidemic in Zimbabwe, and other less palatable, but far more substantive stories.

Here is a transcript of part of the presentation, with the non-spoken comments given in italics.

Studio voice:  And here we see the Obama family leaving the church of , er, and what a truly memorable service that must have been for the pastor of that church, a small church here in Washington, not far from the White House, of course.  And for the congregation too, who had the privilege of sharing a deeply religious moment with the President and his family.  Oh, not again.  President Elect, I should say, because of course he does not become President until the oath of office is administered at noon.  I can’t keep this drivel going until then.  And the crowds outside, too, of course, waiting in the sunshine, although it is still bitterly cold out there, waiting, er, for, er, perhaps this is a good time to bring in our reporter Barry Parry who is down there among the crowds lining the inauguration route.  Quick, think of a question you can ask him.  So tell us, Barry, what’s the mood like down there among the people where you’re standing?

Parry:  Yes, absolutely, Mark.  Why the hell has he picked on me again?  The people here in the bitterly cold sunshine are in a very memorable mood.  I’ve been talking to some of them trying to get the stupid clowns out of camera shot and I can tell you that the mood is indeed truly memorable.  And I am sure that it will only get even more memorable as the day draws on.  Back to you, Michael and don’t you dare bring me in again.

Studio:  Barry Parry there on the Mall and as he said, although the sun is shining, it is of course bitterly cold out there and I’m nice and cosy in the studio, yuk, yuk and as we wait for the motorcade to make its way, and these are truly memorable motorcades, the number of cars is really, er, but let me bring in Penny Dee Kennedy who is near the, er, place where the, er, Penny, what is the mood as we wait for the hand, er, transfer of the presidential, er, presidency?

Kennedy:  That’s very much the case, Martin, and especially so here, as we are now so very close to this very memorable inauguration of the very first black President, of course, of the United States, and, will something please happen? yes, I’m just hearing the sound of the motorcade, Melvin, so over to Sally McNally who is waiting by the White House.  What can you see, Sally?

McNally:  Precisely the point, Penny, and although for security reasons of course, the media are not allowed into the White House, or its grounds, or even close and they took away our notes, damn them so I’m watching the same memorable TV shot as you. But as you can see the Presidential limousine, er, elect limousine, is standing there as we wait for the President Elect and his wife elect to, er, get out and er, so what’s taking so long?  Perhaps this is some kind of security arrangement, of course, but any moment now we, ah yes, the Vice-President Elect and his wife have just, er, Joe Biden and, and, er, Mrs Biden.  So I got no notes, you expect me to remember this crap?

Studio:  Let me come in there with some breaking news.  We have just been informed that the President Elect and Mrs Obama are in fact in the next limousine.  So what’s the reaction to this development where you are, Sally?

McNally:  If he expects me to carry on from there, he can shove ….

Studio:  We seem to have lost Sally McNally there but quickly over to Peter Wheater who I think can see the motorcade.  So what do we expect the mood to be like inside that limousine, Peter, as it makes it memorable way, er, forward?

Wheater:  You couldn’t have put it better, Maurice.  The mood inside the limousine, though of course we cannot be sure and probably will never know, and I can’t actually see it from here, but the mood is almost certainly going to be very probably memorable, extremely memorable.  I think we can safely say that, from what we already know of this young black, er, person on this bright but chilly morning.  And while we are waiting for something anything to happen, perhaps I can ask you in the studio, Malcolm, for your thoughts on what has been the most memorable feature of today’s events.

Studio (gobsmacked that anyone should turn the tables and ask him a banal question):  Memorable?  Blast, I can’t remember.